Hi There
My name is Darren. I thought I would get in touch. I live a long way away – on the other side of Canada, in fact – so we’ll probably never see each other in person. I thought a letter might be the next best thing to say hello and pass on something important, something I hope you take to heart.
A letter. Your mum wrote one. It is evil. Unforgivable. The police say it isn’t a ‘hate crime’, but that’s just what the law says: it is hateful and it is criminal. That’s not just my opinion – that’s how many, many, many people feel about it. The words in her letter – they should never be written down, never spoken. They should never even find a way into your brain. Your mum’s letter shouldn’t have happened. But it did. She has to live with its consequences for the rest of her life.
You don’t.
We’ve never met, so I don’t know how you feel about all the things your mum wrote. They may not make much sense to you. If they don’t, that’s good. Perhaps the only thing you know for sure is the big kid next door is scary. He makes a lot of noise and does weird things. He is different. Well, you know what? It’s okay to feel a bit scared of difference. We all feel it every now and then. I’ve felt it lots of times. From those times, I figured out there are two tricks to feeling better: one is to make sure you learn as much as you can about the difference. Get to know it really well so that the strange becomes familiar. Watching and listening is great. Reading is good, too. Being in the same space as the difference, not having a fence stuck in between…That would be very helpful. Of course, a combination of all these would have you understanding in no time!
Make sense? Okay, here’s the second trick to feeling better: look for the things that aren’t different. That’s really important, because there is lots of ‘same stuff’, especially if we’re talking about other kids. It may not be toys or games or TV shows, but it doesn’t have to be. It can be anything. That’s the great thing about same stuff: it can be anything at all. Ice-cream. Freckles. A trip to to the store. A map of the world. Something bigger than an elephant. Something smaller than an ant. Whatever the same stuff is, it’s everywhere. It’s just waiting for you to find it.
How to respect difference – your mum should be providing this learning instead of me. Sadly, she is teaching you to hate and fear and fight difference instead. That’s not your fault. And here’s the thing – despite your mother’s truly terrible lesson, I believe you can still learn to do the right thing. I know kids are strong. I saw it when I was a teacher. I see it today in my daughter. I see it today in my son, who is not so different to that scary boy in your neighbour’s backyard. I would be overjoyed to see it in you.
You can write your own letter.
Myperbole 
Absolutely brilliant. I KNEW it would be.
Superb my friend. Thank you for putting my thoughts into words.
That my friend is why you are a writer, you can say things so eloquently in words that others feel and would struggle to pen.
Well said. And a LOT nicer than most people would say it!
How perfect a reply. And how wonderful if, instead of all the not so inspiring things that kids and adults see and absorb via social media, this would be one of them
Perfectly and gently said with eloquent words! I may be coming from left field, but I personally I feel this letter was not written by an adult female. The words are so basic, crude, unfeeling and bullying, in this letter, that I feel someone just wants to get her/his fifteen seconds of fame. I also feel that the child being autistic is a secondary factor!
Thank you once again for putting into words the absolute disgust everyone is feeling!
Beautifully written! Thank you for being so respectful.
Amen. I am privileged to have special people in my life like the teenager. They may do some things different than us but they can give so much in love, laughter and most of all how to love others unconditionally. I work in a home for special people and look forward to going in to their lives and enjoying their day with them. Thank you for teaching these children how to accept things in life that may be different to themselves. Hopefully, they will give their mother a lesson in love and kindness.
Insightful, respectful, powerful… well done, Darren
Well said (written) Darren. What a shame it had to be.
Applause! Very LOUD applause coming from my house to yours. This was exactly the right angle and the right target. Kudos to you!
Well said! I hope the message gets through.
This is beautiful and you picked an excellent target!
Simply… well said. Being a teacher myself for the past 7 years and working in social work for 17 yrs previous, its scary how much ignorance around autism still exists…I’d like to think more so with the older generations however. The ideal of your letter makes sense…let’s educate the ignorance out of the young minds! Hopefully they’ll teach the older generation a few things.
Wonderful letter. Let’s hope that these kids get some better role models and not follow in their parent’s footsteps.
Beautiful. Every child – no, every person – should read this. This letter may be in response to a particular incident, but it resonates far beyond one single moment. Well done.
That women’s letter made me sick. Thank you for speaking out about this. Your letter is very well-written and I hope it goes viral.
I like the outpouring of love for the child. I like the teaching and compassion that I want to read within the letter.
I am unsure if I care for the veiled or not so veiled putting down of the mother. I cannot yet tell if that voice comes from my already formed opinions about the issue. I cannot though, at this moment, find another way to acknowledge all sorts of inputs that people get everyday, how to analyze it for value, and how to choose what to do with it. I think that I approve.
Thank you for you time.
Filled with wisdom. Awesome.
Well said.
I saw the letter and was disgusted about what a mother could do to her son. Really amazing, most people cannot handle different so they create something negative to associate it with…
I love it… Thank you from a school administrator/former Exceptional Education teacher.
I loved your article( my cousin has autism, and struggles from bullies everyday) , which is why I followed you to, as I wish to keep track of your blog and see what else you have to offer the blogging world 🙂 please check out my latest blog feature a song by a young man called Kurtis Robinson Every like gives him a greater chance of making it .
Thankyou in advance and I hope to talk to you more often.
All the best
Steven
http://sfoxwriting.com/2013/09/02/daily-song-sinnerman/
As a mother of a beautiful 12 year old autistic boy, I thank you.
Reading the letter just tears me apart. I have a special needs nephew with autism who spent his first 18 months of life in a hospital hooked up to a ventilator and a feeding tube. He has overcome so many obstacles. Last year his bus driver called him a retard and blamed him for something he did not do in attempt to kick him off the bus permanently. It’s so hard for me to understand the lack of compassion and mere hatred in some people. Thank you for speaking out on behalf of all special needs children.
Excellent letter. Now if only that person would read it. Though I’m sure at this point someone else must’ve given them a similar sort of talking-to.
Beautiful, Thank You!
Reblogged this on Wendy Edwards.
Fantastic idea you had writing this letter, I’m so re-blogging this, and I’m SO IMPRESSED with your idea to reach out to that awful woman’s child. I’m currently trying to obtain employment working one-on-one with children with varying degrees of Autism, and my six year-old nephew is, though “high functioning”, still considered Autistic. How could that awful woman ever even THINK those evil things let alone SPEAK them? She went temporarily insane, in my opinion.
I’m your new #1 fan, so glad I came across your letter. Very inspiring and very heartwarming.
how wonderful letter 🙂
This is wonderful, my cousin has Asperger’s and although a lot of the time he acts the same way as other’s nobody really knows how hard it is for him to do that. He’s got very understanding people around him and I am thankful for that, I don’t know what he would do if he had neighbours like that woman. But I am also aware that that woman has a family. And her children need to be taught about tolerance, of both people that are autistic and ‘different’ and also of people that are intolerant. We should all try to be a little more like you. Thank you for posting this.
Very well written, I have had experience of this both as a teacher, psychologist parent and wife. Differences are great…. they are what make people special.